You’ve probably wondered WHY Venus is debilitated in the sign of Virgo. Venus is the planet of marriage and erotic love. Virgo is symbolized by the prepubescent girl who is not interested in mating yet.

Puberty is when Venus begins to awaken us to mate and reproduce. Virgo, ruled by Mercury, is about friendship and is cerebral whereas Venus is heart-centered and essentially sexual. 

If your Venus is in the sign of Virgo, what types of love trouble do you have and what can you do about it? 

Venus in Virgo & the ‘Friend Zone’

A female client told me that she tends to have unrequited love relationships and is always in the “friend zone” with men she’s attracted to.

She is friends with a man she is romantically attracted to, but he sees her only as a friend. She and he get along extremely well, have amazing conversations, and laugh a lot, but he asks her for advice about his dating relationships.

Like a good friend, she gives him that advice but feels terrible when she does. She wants to change their friendship into romance but doesn’t know how to. She has Venus in Virgo in her birth chart.

The planets and the signs are all good. Everything in astrology is about context; in some situations, a planet in a particular sign is excellent; it’s not in other situations. Mercury operates exceptionally well in Virgo, but Venus does not perform as well in Virgo. Why doesn’t it?

Debilitated Planets Are “Unconscious”

First of all, if Virgo is the sign your Venus is in, there’s nothing wrong with you! The so-called “debilitated” or “afflicted” planets represent unconscious parts of the psyche. These planets show us areas of life where we could develop more awareness and skill.

Also, you may have been born with Venus in Virgo for a reason – to keep you from being distracted from your larger purpose in the world. Not everyone is here to do relationships as their primary focus in life; some are here for self-development first and relationship second.

But – You Long For Love

However, if you want a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship, then learning about yourself through the light of astrology will strengthen the power of Venus in your life. 

Vedic astrology is the science of light because it sheds light on the hidden causes of problems. The planets represent aspects of our psyches; planets are not only out there in space, causing events here on earth. They are also a simultaneous reflection of what’s going on inside of us as well.

I’m sure you’ve heard that diagnosis is half of the cure. Some people believe that it’s better to live with your birth chart as it is, and that is fine. It’s probably the least stressful way to live life – go with the flow and concentrate on what works well for you rather than trying to change what doesn’t.

Awakening Venus Within

But, if you live in emotional pain due to relationships that don’t work, and you still long for love, you can go with the other way of thinking. That other way is “making the unconscious, conscious” in regards to your Venus.

The great psychologist, Carl Jung, said that whatever is unconscious comes to us as fate. Meaning, we will have relationships that will cause the necessary pain to become conscious of what we need to learn.

Then we can use astrological means and relationship education to enhance relationship happiness.

Romantic Love is Personal

Venus is about personal desire and is very particular about who is desired. Whereas Mercury, the planet that rules Virgo’s sign, is impersonal because Mercury is about friendship and business.

If you’ve ever been in love with someone who treats you as “just a friend,” you know how painful that is.

Women don’t ever want to feel like a “generic girlfriend or a generic wife.” We don’t want to be valued for what we do, but for who we uniquely are. And we never want to feel like just a “buddy” to the man we love.

Men are no different. A man can feel like he is no more than a prop in a woman’s life. Men want to be valued for what they do for a woman but don’t want to feel used and unappreciated. They want their unique genius recognized and admired, and they want to stand out amongst all other men in your life.

Venus wants to be special to someone.

Friendship is Impersonal & Non-Sexual

This intensely personal nature of Venus is probably the reason why people say friends can’t be lovers, and not to mix pleasure with business. The expected behavior in friendship and business is quite different than that of a romantic relationship.

There is a detached (Mercury) quality in love with Venus in Virgo that is subtly wounding to the partner.

 

Friendship is impersonal in that you can accept just about anything in a friend. But when it comes to romantic love, you are choosier because you are more intimate with a lover. You spend significantly more time together when you’re in an exclusive sexual relationship too. Yet another reason why romance criteria are different than it is for friendship.

Virgo is The Virgin, the prepubescent girl. She’s not even aware of romance yet; she is still happy in herself and not needing a mate. But is happy to be friends with both sexes.

When I was in elementary school, I had a close male friend. We did everything together for several years, and we had tons of fun (Mercury). Then puberty hit in Junior High School, and feelings changed. Why? Because Venus got involved! Venus starts agitating us at puberty so that we will procreate. We kissed once (my first kiss), but nothing ever came of it.

Many years later, I found out through astrology that we were not romantically compatible. A romantic relationship would have been a disaster, in fact! But I remember well how difficult it was to be “just friends” with him after age 13. 

Mercury is a “Neuter” Planet, But Venus is Female

Mercury is a genderless planet (so is Saturn). Mercury rules Venus in Virgo, and so is an androgynous influence. This androgynous energy can make it harder for a woman to feel sexy, alluring, and flirtatious.

Venus rules love, romance, sexuality, and polarity between males and females, creating the chemistry and spark of love. (This is true in gay and lesbian relationships also). Of course, procreation is nature’s agenda, and it’s interesting to note that Venus rules semen and DNA. 

Mercury’s neuter influence reduces the natural femininity and masculinity of each gender. Here is an unusual resource for increasing your sensuality by Jaqueline Lapa Sussman, M.S.; she uses eidetic imagery. She has a book, Images of Desire, and a downloadable PDF named Invoking Your Natural Sensuality.

Venus Is About An Even Exchange of Energy

People with Venus in Virgo tend to go one of two ways in relationships. One, they serve their partner too much (they end up in a one-down position), or two, they receive all the time and rarely give back. Venus in Virgo has problems with maintaining respect in their relationships, and these are two examples of this.

Of course, there are other ways Venus weak in Virgo this can manifest too, but I have seen some version of these two situations most often.

Venus represents the path to fulfillment, and when in Virgo, finding satisfaction in romantic relationships is challenging without a balance between giving and taking.

Venus in Virgo and “The Friend Zone”

A common problem for people with Venus in Virgo is that they are often the “friend” when they would much rather be the desired beloved. Venus in Virgo is so good at being friends that they take themselves out of the game of romance.

Sometimes friendship changes into romance, though it’s not what usually happens. What usually happens is that one, or both people, don’t want to risk the friendship. 

Or one person is in love with the other and doesn’t know how to change their role from a friend to a lover. They suffer terribly from unrequited love, sometimes for years. 

So, What to DO About Venus “Debilitated” in Virgo?

The easiest thing to do is Lakshmi mantras. “Om Shri Maha Lakshmi Namaha.” You can Google how to do mantras if you want more details, as that is beyond the scope of this article.

Make a study of love and relationships. There are several great books, relationship coaches, and other relationship experts to help you. The way to choose amongst all the available relationship resources is to follow your natural curiosity. Venus rules self-help books on love and relationships!

The art of relationships can be learned like any other skill. Mercury rules over Venus in Virgo, and Mercury loves to acquire skills of all kinds.

Develop Your Talents & Skills

If you discover that you’re not interested in learning relationship skills, then this will tell you something essential about yourself: romantic love is not a high enough priority to invest the time, the energy, the money into learning about it. And that’s okay.

Knowing yourself frees you to develop your talents, skills, and purpose in the world. For Venus in Virgo people, focusing on developing your skills and abilities is the best way to go anyway.

Having a lifelong passion is very attractive, and romantic partners want to be near you because of it.

A big mistake you can make is to stop developing your talent when you get into a relationship. When you make the other person the center of your world, and you’ve  given up your hobbies, interests, talent development, and friends, ironically, that is when you lose the relationship.

The Wall of Trivia

One of the common reasons why Venus in Virgo is not the best sign for love is Virgo’s tendency to focus on non-essential details (Mercury rules details) when picking a mate. When in a relationship, Venus in Virgo’s focus on unimportant detail is felt as criticism by the partner.

I’ve known several people with Venus in Virgo, who will dismiss an excellent potential partner for example, because:

• he wears white socks with sandals
• she’s not a “10”
• he works with his hands, and his fingernails are not entirely clean
• they don’t like their partner’s feet
• or the way they hold their fork

All things that would be easy to overlook or adapt to if the potential partner has decent relationship capacity (and compatibility with you). Venus in Virgo tends to think they can find someone who is more perfect.

Mercury vs. Venus Energy in Relationships

When Venus focuses on unimportant details, what Dr. Pat Allen calls “the wall of trivia,” it’s not Venus-like; it’s more like Mercury. Mercury is concretely-oriented mental energy (the sensate function in Jungian terms).

Venus is feeling-based energy, more concerned with the quality of the person’s heart than they are with their fashion sense (Venus rules the heart chakra). Beauty and feminine energy is the domain of Venus, and Venus sees the beauty in everyone.

Venus sees who a person uniquely is, and when he desires you, it’s specifically YOU – no one else will do!

As C.S. Lewis said in his book The Four Loves, eros (romantic love) would rather be unhappy with their lover than happy with someone else. Not that this is healthy after a certain point, but it does demonstrate the intensely personal nature of Venus.

The Venus in Virgo Woman

This Venus can show up in a woman’s life is in a love situation where she works a full-time job and comes home to clean the house, cook dinner, get the kids to bed, and pay the bills. While her husband, however, sits in front of the TV and does nothing to help her.

Her attitude is that she has to do it herself if she wants it done ‘right.’ She is exhausted from over-doing, but she doesn’t know how to change.

One day she will get fed-up and suddenly serve her husband with divorce papers, but the chances are good that she will marry someone just like him if she marries again. This draining pattern is why the Venus in Virgo woman will often decide that men are impossible, though she may have a boyfriend more often than not.

Venus helps us make good choices, and somehow she will tend to choose someone who is not suited to her or good for her. When the relationship ends, she will want to remain friends and be disappointed and bewildered if her partner doesn’t. 

She is practical, intelligent, highly skilled, and loves to be useful. Her library of “How-To” and healing books is extensive. Down-to-earth and at home in nature, she likely has pets and many plants around her house, maybe a garden where she grows healing herbs.

Her innate desire to be useful and of service can be used against her in relationships if she believes that doing most of the giving and doing will ensure her partner’s love.      

The Venus in Virgo Man

It means something a bit different for a man to have Venus in Virgo. For the Venus in Virgo man, it means that he will not have a traditional wife if he gets a wife at all.

He will have had experiences with women that left him feeling that women are not to be trusted, and he will worry about being used for his money and resources because, often, he is. 

When he talks about women, it may sound like he doesn’t like them or even hates them, but this comes from his lack of knowledge about women.

His understanding can improve over time if he has other supporting influences in his birth chart and makes a study of love.

What His Wife is Like

If he does marry, his wife will not give him the support and nurture he is hoping for, but she will be a fun companion. She could be an artist committed to perfecting her craft, or a businesswoman. He’ll be proud of her for this, even though she is busier than he likes.

The Venus in Virgo man will also tend to get into situations where women disrespect him somehow, and the relationship will be unbalanced. Unfortunately, he will typically do most of the giving and not get much in return. 

There is likely to be sexual frustration; he doesn’t get the sexual and sensual security that marriage is supposed to bring him. Many men with Venus in Virgo will remain unmarried and will be more interested in career or hobbies but have many women as friends.

He tends to remain youthful and full of curiosity his whole life, is very cerebral and loves wordplay. Particular about his clothes and grooming, like his female counterpart, he too will know about health. He’ll take supplements and stay abreast about nutrition and, give you health advice (what you should be eating, how you should exercise, stop smoking, don’t sit too much, etc.). 

Venus in Virgo is Not Always This Difficult!

It’s not always as bad as described in both of these portraits, because Venus is not the only planet involved with relationships.

Venus may have planetary friends helping him (like Saturn or Mercury). Mercury may be in Virgo, supporting you in making better decisions, which Venus in Libra is about. (A strong Mercury helps everything).

The primary birth chart is not the last word in your love life. Venus, in good dignity in a relationship Varga chart (a secondary chart mathematically calculated from the birth chart), can make a positive difference.

In Conclusion

Is there anything good about Venus in Virgo? Yes, you are usually a healer of some kind, and you can be a great friend! You have a great sense of humor and are a lot of fun. You’re a wonderful conversationalist, and people learn something from you. 

I strongly believe in education and that learning about ourselves through astrology causes tremendous inner growth. This article is just the beginning of understanding what it means to have Venus in Virgo and the pain it causes you in your love life.

To summarize, Venus in Virgo is an unconscious planet that can be brought into consciousness through astrology and the study of love. Or, you can focus on developing your talents and skills without the distraction of romantic relationships.

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Venus and Satisfying Relationships

The Sign of Virgo in Vedic Astrology

The Spiritual Challenge of Virgo Svamsa