Category Archives: The Signs of the Zodiac

By now you’re aware that Venus is considered to be debilitated in the sign of Virgo. Well, if this is your Venus then I’m sure you’re wondering what that means and if it means something bad about you. Well, like everything else in astrology the planets of the signs are all good, it just depends on the context. As you already know, Mercury operates extremely well in the sign of Virgo, so why does Venus not operate as well in the sign of Virgo?

First of all, if Virgo is the sign your Venus is in, you’re not a bad person! So-called debilitated or afflicted planets are just planets that represent aspects of the psyche that are unconscious and have not been developed yet. It’s an area of life where you could become a lot more conscious, or it’s a way of keeping you from being distracted from your larger purpose in the world. Not everyone on earth is here to do relationships as their primary focus in life.

If you want a relationship, and you want a relationship that is healthy, happy and long-term, then it means you have some personal work to do to help Venus function more consciously in your life.

This is why Vedic astrology is called the science of light, it sheds light on what is causing certain kinds of problems in your life, and while it may seem like the cause of it is “out there” out of your control, it really represents an aspect of yourself that you can develop. The planets represent aspects of our psyches, they’re not just out there in space causing events here on earth, they are a simultaneous reflection of what’s going on inside of us as well.

This is good news. Some people believe that it’s better to not try to change your planets, to work with them to make them better etc., and that is fine. It’s probably the least stressful way to live life, just following the natural flow of your psyche and to concentrate on what is already strong within you.

But if you live in emotional pain due to relationships that don’t work, you don’t feel good about yourself in love, relationships break your heart, and you still long for love, you can go with the other way of thinking and that is to “make the unconscious, conscious” in regards to your Venus.

What is Venus & What is the Sign of Virgo About?

Venus is about personal desire, an even exchange of energy, mutual respect, and is very particular about who it desires. Whereas Mercury, the planet that rules the sign of Virgo, is impersonal because Mercury is about friendship and business, not about personal desire. If you’ve ever been in love with someone who saw you as “just a friend,” you know how painful that is.

It’s one of the things about women that men need to know, and that is that we want to be loved for who we uniquely are, we don’t ever want to feel like we are a “generic girlfriend or generic wife” – just a placeholder until the “right” one comes along.

It’s probably the reason why people always say friends can’t be lovers and don’t mix pleasure with business, because the behavior that’s expected in friendship and business is quite different than the behavior that is expected, and hoped for, in a romantic relationship.

Virgo is represented by the virgin, the prepubescent, girl. She’s not even aware of romance yet, she is still happy in herself and she doesn’t feel the need for anyone else to complete her. In many ways the person with Venus in Virgo always belongs to themselves on some level, even if they give up all their personal needs, desires, and interests, for the sake of their relationship (not a good idea, by the way).

There can be a detached (Mercury) quality in love that is subtly wounding to the partner.

People with Venus in Virgo, tend to go one of two ways in relationships: they either make themselves the person who does all the serving all the time (they end up in a one-down position or servant position), or they are the person who demands to be attended to all the time without giving back in an equal way. Venus in Virgo has problems with maintaining respect in their relationships and these two ways are an example of this.

Of course, there are other ways this can manifest too, but what I have seen is some version of these two paths. Venus rules the path to fulfillment, and when in Virgo, he has a harder time finding that truly fulfilling path.

 Another common problem for a person with Venus in Virgo, is that they are often the “friend” when they would much rather be the beloved who is pursued and courted. They are so good at being friends, and friendship is so important to them, that they end up taking themselves out of the game of romance by being a “friend” to the one they desire.

Sometimes this works, though it’s what you would call a long game, where you’re friends with somebody for a long time and then, hopefully, one day you both realize that you are in love each other. What more commonly happens is that one, or both people, don’t want to risk the friendship, so they don’t take a chance on romance and suffer with unrequited love for each other instead.

So What to DO About This?

Probably the easiest thing to do are Lakshmi mantras. “Om Shri Maha Lakshmi Namaha.” You can Google how to do mantras if you want more details on how to do this.

Make a study of love and relationships. There are tons of great books, great relationship coaches, relationship experts, and more. The way to choose amongst all the many, many, resources, is to follow what you’re interested in. You can just trust your own inner picker, so to speak, because if you’re not really interested, it’ll feel like a chore.

I wrote another article on how to help your Venus, read it here.

If you find that you’re really not interested in studying relationships, communication techniques, conflict resolution, how to be assertive (a communication skill), then this will tell you something very valuable about yourself: relationships are really not a high enough priority to invest the time, the energy, the money, into learning about it (and that’s okay).

This will free you to focus on developing yourself, your talents, skills, and your purpose in the world. For the Venus in Virgo person, focusing on developing your skills and talents is really the best way to go anyway. Having a lifelong passion is very attractive and will help to draw someone suitable to you.

One of the most interesting manifestations of why Venus in Virgo is not the best sign for love, is Virgo’s tendency to focus on details (Mercury’s domain is details) that are not essential when picking a mate.

I’ve known several people with Venus in Virgo, who will dismiss a good potential partner because of the socks he wears, or because she’s not a “10,” or because of their fingernails, or they don’t like their partner’s feet, or the way they hold their fork – things that would be very easy to overlook, or adapt to, if the potential partner has good relationship capacity (and compatibility too).

When Venus focuses on nonessential details, what Dr. Pat Allen calls “the wall of trivia,” it’s not being Venus-like, it’s being more like Mercury, a concretely-oriented mental energy (the sensate function in Jungian terms).

Venus is a feeling-based energy, more concerned with the quality of the person’s heart than they are with their fashion sense, or whether or not they conform to an ideal of beauty (Venus rules the heart chakra). Venus can see the beauty in anyone, and can “read between the lines” to see who a person really is beyond their surface persona and appearance.

Venus can see who a person uniquely is, and when he desires you, it’s specifically for you and your inner qualities – no one else will do!

As C.S. Lewis said in his book The Four Loves, that eros (romantic love) would rather be unhappy when with their lover, than happy with someone else. Not that this is particularly healthy after a certain point, but it does demonstrate the intensely personal nature of Venus.

The Venus in Virgo Woman

This Venus can show up in a woman’s life is in a love situation where the woman is working a full-time job and comes home to clean the house, cook dinner, get the kids to bed, and pay the bills, while her husband sits in front of the TV. Her attitude is that she has to do it all herself if it’s going to be done right. She knows she is not being treated with respect, but she doesn’t know how to change it.

One day she will get fed-up and suddenly serve her husband with divorce papers, but chances are good that if she marries again, she will marry someone just like him (unless she is “developing” her Venus). This kind of situation is why the Venus in Virgo woman will often decide that marriage is not for her, though she may have a boyfriend more often than not.

Venus helps us to make good choices and somehow she will tend to choose someone who is really not suited to her or who is not good for her. When the relationship ends, she will want to remain friends and will be really disappointed if her partner doesn’t.

She is typically well-groomed, she somehow always looks crisp and clean even in the sweltering heat of summer. She knows all kinds of things about how to improve your health because she has done extensive research on it. You tend to trust her when she recommends a supplement or a treatment because she is so knowledgeable.

She is practical and loves to be useful. She is intelligent and owns a library of “How-To” books. She is a multi-talented and highly skilled woman. She is down-to-earth and at home in nature. She likely has pets and many plants around her home, maybe even a garden in the yard and knowledge of herbs.

She is teased frequently about her “pickiness” by people who know her because they find this trait to be amusing. It is hilarious to listen to her talk about it because she will have a good sense of humor about this trait herself.

The Venus in Virgo Man

It means something a bit different for a man to have Venus in Virgo. Basically it means that he will not have a traditional wife, if he gets a wife at all. He will have had experiences with women that left him feeling that women are not to be trusted, and he will worry about being used for his money and resources because, often, he is.

When he talks about women it may sound like he doesn’t like them or that he even hates them, but this comes from his lack of knowledge about women and relationship. This can improve over time if he has other supporting influences in his birth chart and if he makes a study of love.

If he does marry, his wife will not give him the support and nurture that he is hoping for, but she will be fun and interesting to talk to. She could be an artist committed to perfecting her craft and he’ll be proud of her for this, even though she is busier than he likes.

He is particular about his clothes and grooming, and he too will have knowledge about health. He’ll take supplements and know about nutrition. He will also tend to get into situations with women where he is not respected in some way and the relationship will be unbalanced, he will typically do most of the giving and not get much in return. 

There is likely to be sexual frustration as well as he will be doing more than his part, but not getting the sexual and sensual security that marriage is supposed to bring him. Many men with Venus in Virgo will remain unmarried and will be more interested in his career or hobbies and have many women friends.

He tends to remain youthful and full of curiosity his whole life, very cerebral and loves wordplay.

It’s Not Always This Difficult

Of course, it’s not always as bad as described in both of these portraits, as Venus is not the only planet that is involved with relationships. Venus may have friends helping him, and Mercury may be in Virgo helping the native to make better decisions about everything too. There are more than one chart used to evaluate relationship karma in a person’s birth chart, and could modify a person’s love life considerably.